Here are a few highlights: “How do you break the routine of hook-ups and try to find a quality relationship? These kinds of benefits require trust—and trust takes time to build.
” Think about what you want from a relationship: Mutual appreciation? This, to me, is one of the biggest problems with the hook-up culture: It skips over all the emotional relationship and trust building and jumps into a physical and very personal act without the emotional backup.
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Here’s what I’d say: Marriage involves a total commitment before God, your community and your family. But when you get married, you are assuming responsibility for what happens in your relationship—and what happens when you have sex. One guy wrote me saying that he recently broke up with his girlfriend because she was pressuring him to have sex.
He wanted to have sex, too, but he believes a couple should wait until marriage.
Sex is a gift God gives us and you don’t need to practice to become “good”—it’s a basic human instinct and married couples learn together very quickly.
The basic ingredients for a good sexual relationship are mutual love, respect and a real sense of caring about the other person’s feelings.
So as last night rolled around I had dozens of excellent questions and possible topics to discuss.
In a nearly-packed room in the basement of the Newman Center (and with Daily Iowan reporters there taking notes and snapping my picture) we had 90 minutes of questions, answers and discussion.
And there are all sorts of “reasons” not to wait, it seems.
One argument would go that sex is an important part of marriage, so you should practice in advance. Sexual intercourse isn’t like playing tennis or basketball.
If they say “let’s go home together now,” you can say you think they’re really great and you’d like to get to know then better—over coffee the next day.
This does a few things: First of all, it’s different, so you’ve got their attention.
So, let’s say you’re at a bar on a Saturday night (and as I’ve said in previous columns, bars are probably not the best place to meet a like-minded mate, but hey, you’re young and want to have fun, so let’s be practical.) First thing you want to do is watch how much alcohol you consume.