Having the complete attention of an audience, no matter how great or small, I feel powerful, lusted after and sexy.
They don't care what I do; they just want to watch.
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More often than not, paid or free, I'm getting off on this more than you.
And when it becomes the other way around, I'll stop.
Sometimes I feel I have no standards when it comes to whom I allow to watch me: men, women, couples... Other times I find myself screwing my nose up at certain people and thinking 'Gosh, I'm not even going there!
' However, my selections are careful, measured, and the delete button is never far away. When I turn on my cam I feel naughty, I feel sexy, but certainly I think I feel this way because I am in control, and what I do is because I've allowed it.
They want to be recognised by me in some way; a simple 'hello' with their screen name on it for the rest of the chatters to see I have chosen them, or for me to accept their cam broadcast.
They in their own way are seeking the same acceptance/thrill/high/fantasy as I am.
When I accept their money or their gifts for that purpose, it has a similar effect in that it makes me feel powerful, but it also makes me feel slightly degraded and takes on other levels of kink and naughtiness that I can't always justify or explain.
The 'paid' show also makes me feel like I'm not in complete control, something which goes against the 'normal' reason for my enjoyment of this particular past-time.
When I'm offered money or elaborate/expensive gifts to do the things I love to do for free.
When they want me to be bad for them and for no one else and they pay to be able to direct me.
It allows me to stretch out within the un-real world of net-space, and wrap my hands around the bed posts before the imaginary cuffs are clicked into place, leaving me bare and exposed to any eyes that pass my way.