But I do remember the moment—the moment when I realized I had become invisible. One day I was visible—noticed by men and seen as sexually desirable. ) But for most of us mere mortals, we age and our looks fade. The only body parts that thicken are the ones we wish wouldn’t. Their preferences don’t change when they online date—ergo the validity in older women’s sense of rejection and self-unworth. Ergo, my present state of celibacy—and invisibility. Talent, intellect, grace, strength, wisdom, life’s skills and experience, character blah blah blah. As a non-fiction endeavor, why not chronicle her experiences into a humor/how-to memoir geared to other women similarly starting over? Agents and editors alike now tell me what I am marketing has “no market” because “older women aren’t interesting, ie .” No one would buy a book about a sixty-year-old online dating, say the 30-year-olds in charge of new acquisitions from an “emerging” author. I fly with lots of “older” women who tell me the exact opposite! (A pause now as my brain insists upon making a comment . At 71, she posed for Pirelli’s annual pin-up calendar—AND NAILED IT! We SHOULD be judged and valued for so, so, so much more. We don’t want to look better than what we were born with or even younger per se. Those who are going to take me to task reading this . All the power pant suits in the world have rarely changed the course of history as has “that” sway. I am great under pressure and fabulous in a crisis. In the last 4 years, within my immediate family, I have dealt with and survived death, divorce, deployments and drug addiction. Now an international flight attendant (with a penchant for dating young, dark, long-haired and exotic), she decides to hedge her innate skepticism with a purposeful plan. But from day one when I started this blog I resolved to be honest and candid. I can write openly about my sex life and romantic breakups, and my issues with being 60 and single—it sucks, remember? As much as it pains me to admit, I guess the 30-something-year-olds were right? There is no market—despite my gut instinct telling me otherwise.
Anti-aging everything floods the market, Fountain of Youth formulas, laser treatments, fillers, skin care regimes that cost a fortune—all because we can’t face our face. I am as guilty as society, of judging myself now lacking. Certainly in many ways the woman I see in the mirror today is an improvement over the one in the photo that introduces this post. It was part of a series of professional shots I had done for the book cover of my first book. While hitting the New York Times Bestsellers’ List remains on my bucket list, the true work in progress I’m working on now is me. Specifically, the freedom to pursue their dreams and goals, utilizing their talents and strengths (and life’s accumulated wisdom, skills and experiences) in order to seize opportunity and create success in a multitude of endeavors that time, circumstance and youth prohibited. ) Her name is Jan Clifton and she has started a facebook group and blog for women called They say you can’t judge a book by its cover. The problem was I didn’t know what the hell I was doing! I signed an exclusive arrangement with Amazon Kindle to carry it for 90 days.) But I pulled the paperback version and went back to the proverbial drawing board with the guidance of several friends who were brutally honest. And it doesn’t reflect the story at all.” A third hated the title and the description both. “That’s what makes it such a fun read.” If nothing else, this blog has shown me that my readers don’t shy away from candid subjects or sex. Ya know, the one that told you to sleep with a guy you are trying to get over? Techno-idiot me thought you actually needed the Kindle device to read a Kindle book.
Ladies, is it any wonder the biz of botox is booming? In fact, after “a certain age,” even Sophia couldn’t pull that one off. (You want to rub something to gain riches and jewels? It ain’t a magic lamp you need to stroke.) So now that I have no doubt offended most of you, let’s continue. No more than society’s definition of beauty denotes value or worth. In the 1960s, feminist Betty Friedan said: “Aging is not lost youth, but a new stage of opportunity and strength.” I’m going with that. And as much as she’s the one who used to get honks, hoots and hit-ons, I honestly wouldn’t trade places with her today. The single worst thing is the occasional bout of emotional loneliness. For the woman in the photo, her focus was her sons who were at the time her works in progress. In greater numbers than ever before, “invisible” women have realized invisibility is also a key to freedom. (BTW, to my nearly 600 Aussie and Kiwi viewers: THANK YOU!!!! Clearly to exploit renewed interest in Cooper’s immortal tale, some clever publisher had come up with a paperback release shrewdly featuring a scene from the movie on its cover.) When the clerk explained they had sold out of the sexy-running-through-the-woods-long-hair-flying version, the girl declined the proffered copy. It has a slightly different cover now, but it’s essentially the same book as the one I published in 1991, but with a few editing and content improvements. Last month when I decided to self-publish my humor memoir/online dating story, I was thrilled with the opportunity to control the aspects that garner sales. ( is still available in ebook format on Amazon because I can’t undo it. “I like the art deco feel, but it doesn’t really reflect you, your writing style or your personality. Would that be the same gut instinct that has served you so well? Too, after the fact, I found out Amazon Australia doesn’t support paperback distribution. I can sell the book in Germany, France, Spain and Japan where English Australia where I have 369 followers? ) On the bright side, I did just learn Kindle has an app for smart phones, i Pads and tablets.
Eisenstadt) legalized birth control for all citizens irrespective of marital status. (1970 for Italy and 1980 for Iceland) Interestingly, however, behind the dreaded Iron Curtain of Communism and oppression, the Soviet Union made the Pill readily available to women in order to “facilitate social equality between men and women.” Hold that thought. Puritan, Victorian, backward, dumbass (take your pick of applicable quantifiers) attitudes to sex were—to put it mildly—reluctant to embrace the idea. ) Somehow she had come across this blog (thank you, world of the world wide web) and noted that I was one who wrote rather openly about the subject of sex and women over 60.
So what the hell took so long in the supposed “free world? Convinced the Pill encouraged promiscuity and “free love,” the powers that were (old white men, same then as now) passed laws controlling its availability. Since market analysis had determined this was a widely under-targeted and untapped demographic, her job was to explore it, I guess.
See, unlike men who are able to seed life with their seed all their lives, we women come stamped like a carton of eggs (pun intended). Their answer: “becoming invisible” and being seen by men society as no longer viable, interesting, necessary, important, valuable or wanted sexually. Statistics and reality prove time and time again that men prefer younger women. But worse for a self-avowed techno-idiot, is the world she discovers. The online store of long and dark-haired exotic men in the greater Philadelphia area runs out of stock. From discourses about wisdom and wrinkles, celibacy vs settling and “want” as opposed to “need,” to forays with texting and sexting total strangers, to speed dating, blind dates and bar hook ups, Judith holds nothing back. Now if Carvaka wanted to send me a “personal massager” or two to try out . But this post isn’t about women’s social progress or legal recognitions. Born in 1956, I was too young for the counter culture/free love movement of the 60s. Formatted as a weekly journal that chronicled my six months online, it’s a hybrid: One part self-help with practical “dos” and “do not dos” and “need to knows,” one part humor memoir and one part researched exposé on the online dating industry itself. It had the potential “to make it.” So I tried to find a publisher. Singleat60has over 2000 viewers, readers and followers in 55 countries around the world. I stubbornly decided to ignore #4 and look instead to #1, #2, and #3.
Our wombs not only have a “best if used by” recommendation, our ova have an actual run out of stock date. While there are the rare exceptions (Hugh Jackman comes to mind—hell to the yes! Before we look at the shallow pool of available American men over 50, let’s pause now for a couple unfun facts about married American men: 53% of all married men in the U. Like Alice tumbling down the rabbit-hole, she finds a strange reality with a twisted “Build a Bear Workshop” for adults mentality. And jamada is reduced to boring, boorish, gross and old (as in claiming 60, but looking 70). Fans of her blog are well acquainted with her unique mix of sex and sass wrapped in humor and bona fide research. this the woman who wrote a treatise on vibrators.) I have a confession. To say “Good Vibrations” covered a subject that is rarely discussed, especially by a sixty-year-old, would be an understatement. Nonetheless, I was a definite beneficiary of one the revolution’s most life-changing repercussions—specifically, a little som’ em som’ em called “oral contraception.” Here’s a little history on THE PILL. Within that “looking” process (remember, subject to the six steps above! I quickly learned the way I could deal with the experience was to write about it. But the publishing world I knew 20 years ago is long gone and the editors replaced with 30-something-year-olds. It has been recognized with a “Top 100 Humor Blog” award. I decided to self-publish on Amazon as an ebook and as a paperback. Pause now for a quick biology lesson: As opposed to the human male who can continue to produce product as long as he continues to breathe, the female of the species is born with all the supply she will ever have. But he’s an Aussie and of sturdier, randier, lustier and less watered down genetic stock—seeing as Australia was a British penal colony.) Speaking of watered down . Superficiality rules, and with the cloak of anonymity emboldening even the the most timid, the lines of propriety blur quickly. ”) Before she realizes it, jamada (as Judith is now known by her user ID), falls victim to the mindset, abandoning her common sense, sexual boundaries—and even her own compassion. Indeed, her first online experience, with a rather handsome and (conveniently) widowed Italian engineer in his 40s, appears to perfectly fit her bill—until phone conversations revealed an extreme religious leaning. Clearly the 37-year-old Tunisian concierge who asked her out in a Munich hotel lobby does birthday, as she’s sitting on the patio of a local Irish bar sneaking a cigarette, the cosmos delivers an unexpected birthday present. While her followers have called her “raw, down to earth” and “amazingly funny,” Judith prefers “irreverent and relevant.” (Remember . However, to my absolute delight–and total surprise– my readers not only reacted positively, they responded in huge numbers! ” One reader dared to post a comment in which she asked me to try and find “the vibrator lady’s email.” I did. If you are easily offended or not interested, then please! While the first oral contraception was approved by the FDA in 1960, it took a literal in 1965 (when the Supreme Court overruled an archaic 1870’s law called the Comstock Act) before married couples were given the right to use birth control. I was told authors today—especially in non-fiction—need “a social media presence.” So I started this blog. Once more I’m being told I am “an amazingly funny writer,” that what I write is “raw and down to earth” and that my readers “love” my posts. Personally, besides giving dogs only a 10-15 year life span, I think it’s either one of God’s greater screw-ups—or definitive proof The Higher Being is male. Normal patterns of human behavior and traditional social mores don’t just fade. Initially serious about finding love and determined to keep to “type”—ala her last relationship—a 38-year-old Turkish restaurant owner who took her for a midnight swim in a Swiss lake for their first date (ah! Undeterred, she moves on to a gorgeous 42-year-old Israeli lawyer, who after a month disappeared. It took another 7 years before yet another damn Supreme Court case (Baird vs. So surely I have the gravitas (and social media presence) to find a publisher? Or maybe it’s something else I can’t even fathom right now? What’s even more ironic is that the topic of my next post is indeed “a shiny thing.” Please watch for “Good Vibrations” next week . Just needing an escape and a moment unfocused on problems and worry, I eventually cut to the chase and got to my point. I explained I was overwhelmed with family and financial issues, a looming deadline and a loved one’s serious hospitalization. And FYI, back in that day there was little to no paid maternity leave and very few husbands changed diapers or did middle of the night feedings. ) Now 61, I am ironically poised yet again on the cusp of treading new sexual ground. Last month I received an email from a woman in the UK. Walk around most European cities and you’ll see the damn things in the front window. Magazine ads in 1899 offered them as a cure for “neuralgia, headaches and wrinkles.” A 1908 ad for the Bebout hand-powered mechanical vibrator touted its “gentle, soothing, invigorating and refreshing” properties. She maintains that from the time of Hippocrates on, “massaging female patients to orgasm” was a standard medical practice for the treatment of “female hysteria.” According to her research (BTW, her book has won multiple awards) “doctors loathed the time-consuming procedure” and so they, after the vibrator’s invention, happily substituted the device. And yes I am a grandmother—but I am not the grandmother of my grandmother’s generation—or my mother’s. So, yes, I have a “back massager” in a nightstand drawer. (Like TV audiences in the 50s didn’t know how little Ricky came to be? and an illustrative example of the hexad process above.