Fellas, if you're in your 50s, single and dating (and feeling like you're not getting anywhere), consider this a little friendly feedback from the ladies.
Maybe you've heard it all before, maybe it doesn't apply to you, maybe you've got the dating thing down -- it doesn't matter.
When it comes to women and dating, I say you can never know enough.
To me, that's a turn-off." GF #2: "Some men don't want to invest the time it takes getting to know you.
If you don't sleep with them fast enough, they get frustrated and lose interest." GF #3: "Online daters, especially the older ones, are like kids in a candy store, not ever giving anyone a chance because there's always someone else." My Advice: Slow down.
The next morning (or even that night) come the recriminations: Was it wrong to give that person the sexual green light when you had no intention of rekindling the emotional side of the relationship?
Marilyn, a 57-year-old single colleague of mine, recently reconnected with someone she had worked with many years ago. "No," Marilyn said with a laugh, "it's better than that: I'm in like with him — and that's exactly where I want to be." She further confided that they planned to make their reunions "a regular thing — if four times a year can be called 'regular.' But I think that's about all I really want." Marilyn's casual approach to maintaining a friendship with benefits typifies the mindset of older folks who have reconciled themselves to having "great fun" even if it's "just one of those things." And episodic pleasure-seeking may be more common than you think: In The Normal Bar, a book I wrote last year with Chrisanna Northrup and James Witte, we reported that 61 percent of female survey respondents who had partners fantasized about someone they had met.
Further evidence of Roving Eye Syndrome came from a study of sexuality in the United States commissioned by AARP in 2009: It found that 6 percent to 8 percent of singles age 50 and up were dating more than one person at a time.
The same study revealed 11 percent of survey respondents were in a sexual relationship that did not involve cohabitation.
Maybe you're lonely, horny, you want a girlfriend, need some company, or just need to get laid. We ALL want love, but some guys blow it by rushing.
GF #1: "There seems to be some kind of 'trying on of a girlfriend.' On the first date, I've had a guy take my hand and rub my shoulders, without any words of seduction or romance.
That doesn't mean all casual lovers feel emotionally bereft in the wake of a purely physical rendezvous, mind you.
Many say they're getting exactly what they want and need.
Even though I'm talking to the guys here, many of these points apply to you too. Dating in midlife isn't always easy, but at least you're all in it together, and you can all make it great.