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The uncertainty tends to grow the less we trust ourselves in general and the more that we’re inclined to throw our self-worth into the mix and question ourselves and what we’ve done to ‘provoke’ what we’re doubting.

It’s critical though when we make decisions that have the potential to impact our wellbeing and to potentially keep us in a toxic situation where we’re not adequately representing or protecting ourselves, that we get clear on we’re doing and ensure that we’re not doing something else entirely, because often we’re not giving the benefit of the doubt – we’re giving the benefit of the equivalent of magic eraser combined with over-empathy.

In fact, I hang out with several of them on a regular basis. Researchers at the University of Michigan have found that break-ups activate the same parts of the brain that feel physical pain.

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We can give the benefit of the doubt when it’s needed and appropriate that the interpreted meaning or particular outcome wasn’t intended, but then the person is either going to give you reasons to justify your doubts regarding dodgy intentions or give you further We’re not giving the benefit of the doubt when we pretend that something didn’t happen or we start coming up with all manner of stories and excuses in an attempt to shut down our misgivings and silence our inner voice.

We’re definitely not giving the benefit of the doubt when what we felt uncertain about the presence of, is actually continuing to happen and potentially has other things that back up our initial feelings and concerns.

Small wonder, then, that you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with them; why But in the midst of the angst and anger, the feelings of betrayal and the slipping of Katy Perry songs into your Spotify break-up playlists and hoping nobody notices, it’s worth remembering that pain doesn’t friends or haunts in common or you’ve moved across the country, the odds are that eventually you’re going to have to face the fact that you’re probably going to run into your ex on occasion.

In fact, in some circumstances – attending the same school, working in the same industry, overlapping social circles – you may well risk running into them on a regular, even with it.

What we tend to focus on is whether we can ‘prove’ that the person in question is guilty of having malicious intentions.

Aside from the fact that we cannot ‘prove’ what another persons intentions are or were (that’s up to them to do), what we forget is that who a person is is self-evident and that they It’s healthy not to run around assuming that anything that we don’t like has bad intentions behind it or to assume that other people’s behaviour is about us and put our worth behind their intentions.Instead, they’re stubbornly sticking around – even starting to .Which means that there are going to be all those awkward “accidental” encounters at the places you used to frequent together, the painful “oh shit, who is she talking to?Provided you know how to deal with her after the relationship ends.People are often surprised when I tell them that I’m friends with a large number of my exes.But it doesn’t mean that this necessarily has to be an awkward or even painful experience.

99 Comments

  1. Their different senses of morality will conveniently keep things from progressing too quickly and sometimes they won't move at all, since the character won't be as fun if they go straight. Compare Go-Karting with Bowser (when the relationship is platonic rather than romantic or sexual), Loves My Alter Ego (for similar relationships between heroes and bystanders), and Defecting for Love (which happens when the Catwoman decides to go straight after all).

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