All of these are tests of masculinity for these adolescent men.
For men, shame issues are directly related to sexual performance, and definitions of masculinity. There is just no pretending; He either ejaculates or he does not.
For the male, part of sexual performance has to do with getting and maintaining an erection. If he fails to ejaculate he feels less like a real man.
Would it not be better to try and understand what is happening here between males and females and, through that understanding, develop better ways to cope with this problem?
Part of the reason why women are so angry about internet pornography is that it takes their men away from the family and from themselves.
Why do men engage in viewing pornography both in secrete and in isolation? How can we help men and women understand one another so as to better avoid the bitterness and anger that easily comes between them on this issue? We have had several females state their intention to end their relationship with their male partner and at least one woman has asked if she should break her engagement and impending marriage over the pornography controversy.
We need to ask if this angry approach is good for either men or women over the topic of viewing internet pornography.
For women, feelings of shame often have to do with body image issues.
Women compare themselves to other women and fear that they are not thin enough, shapely enough, or large breasted enough to fit the stereotypical view of what is defined as a beautiful woman.
In addition to body image issues, women struggle with what is and is not acceptable about being sexual when you are female.