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Instead of a magical cure, I pray for an end to my mother’s life. Ironically, Mummy, as her family often calls her, is in remarkable physical health.

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I call my mom frequently to see how he’s doing and she says “great! I’ll immediately call my father and he’ll give me the honest real truth and say “he’s only got a few days.” I haven’t talked to my mother in a week because I feel like she is lying to me and not keeping me in the loop. I cared for my mum day in day out for 14 years ( Alzheimer’s) and in the last 2 years I increasingly became more angry and resentful towards her .

I asked her if they would give him a feeding tube if it got to that point and she screamed at me and basically told me to stay out of it. Hi, my mother in law has vascular dementia, having had a couple of strokes a few years ago.. People keep saying what a wonderful job I did,but I know I didn’t and feel ashamed of myself for shouting at her towards the very final stages of her life.

While Mummy may not have major physical ailments, there is no doubt that she is suffering terrible mental anguish.

Alzheimer’s has wiped away most of her brain, including her memories, personality and ability to communicate.

I don’t even believe in a higher power, let alone one true God.

Even so, for the past several years I often find myself praying.

When I do pray, it is always about my mother who is living with Alzheimer’s disease.

My prayers are never about reversing or even improving my mother’s condition because it is simply too late.

However, I believe individuals will eventually have more control over how and when they die, including decisions of how long to be kept alive with severe dementia. Until then, I keep praying — just in case there is a higher power. I pray every single day and some days I get so angry and resentful that she is still alive, she did not make our lives happy when she was all there so to have to quit 2 jobs to take care of her and her affairs has put a bad taste in my mouth and I just want to bury her and be done with it all.


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