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You're still young, you're articulate, you've got the look." For many here, that's what Eater asked about sending my girlfriend and me on this cruise back in August, and I was a little nervous.

Did I really want to interact with these chefs in person?

Our ports of call were Key West, Florida, and Cozumel, Mexico, a standard itinerary.

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I did not know what to expect out of the whole thing. Best case scenario it would be an amazing vacation filled with food and sun and activities related to , a show I genuinely enjoy.

Worst case it'd be a nightmare of a time but I'd still have a juicy story to write.

There are no water slides, and the "kids' area" is half a mile from anything else, on the top-most deck at the aft of the ship, and it seemed like more of a prison than a destination for kids. I saw a lot of activity that bordered on arrestable, and I wonder what's done with people who act out a hundred miles from shore.

Sadly, I never found out.) The cruise was an adult playground, and the -themed activities only supplemented Celebrity's standard array of attractions.

fans of all ages and sizes in formal wear smiling and swaying their hips in the breeze, floating on the ocean off the coast of Florida, I can't quite believe where I am.

How did I end up on a cruise ship filled with thousands of fans, hosts, winners, and "fan favorites"?To rephrase that using cruise jargon, I was a first-time cruiser, never having cruised.You hear variations of the word "cruise" a lot on the ship, nearly as much as you hear the song "Red, Red Wine," and every time a lady next to me at dinner asked me if this was my first experience "cruising," I felt like I was about to get a nod and a wink from her husband that I had the all-clear sign to test out his wife.My confidence only wavered in February when Carnival's infamous "poop cruise" stranded passengers off the Yucatan Peninsula on a ship where the walls literally wept diarrhea.Was a cruise worth the possibility of having to pee in the shower and "go number 2 in bags," as I heard a CNBC anchor refer to it? Before Top Chef: The Cruise, I had never been on a cruise.What if Hosea got me, as the Rolling Stones sang, "under his thumb-head"?


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